Joanne M. Friedman, MEd
It's a given that the majority of children - teens in particular - are more computer and internet-savvy than their parents. Parents do, however, spend more time reading and watching the news. It can be assumed, then, that most parents are aware of the threat that internet predators pose to their children. The question is this: Are the kids inadvertently luring predators despite warnings and cautionary tales, and is MySpace.com the intermediary?
In recent months there has been a rising outcry among parents and schools about the personal contact site, MySpace.com. A private Catholic school in New Jersey faced a battle of the wills when the administration banned students from posting their personal information on MySpace. Citing the danger to the children, administrators sent letters to parents advising that continued frequenting of the site and posting of information would result in punishment for the students. Parents and students alike protested on the basis of Constitutional First Amendment rights. No one can tell our children what to divulge and where to put their personal data!
As it happens, I had never visited MySpace until that time, and the private school's edict wasn't the motivating factor when I did. Motivation came in the form of a confiscated student notebook in which mention was made of that particular internet address. In order to clarify for the parent exactly what the student was involved in, I made a quick foray into the wilds of the child's "space."
I was not particularly surprised to find that the avatars (images posted in lieu of actual photographs of the members and used as a kind of ID badge) were often well beyond racy. Lewd was the word that immediately came to mind. Taken aback at first, I soon realized that the avatars were not, as one might guess at first glance, photos of the posters. If they were, then Brittney Spears is spending far more time online than recording music. Angelina Jolie put in several appearances as well. They were in good company amid a variety of pin-ups and centerfolds.
There were some real-life photos. Most of them were of older folks, and few of those were lewd or lascivious in any way. It was disconcerting, however, to see that there were a few shots of teens that verged on the pornographic.
Even more disturbing were the nicknames these kids were using. Many boldly identified themselves by the names of body parts we parents still refer to euphemistically. Others used suggestive words to indicate their level of sexual sophistication. Most of them were unpleasantly blatant and graphic.
The site's administrators insist that under-thirteens are not permitted to sign up. Excuse me? How, exactly, do they accurately gauge the members' ages? Well, the members "sign" a form that indicates their age and swear that they are being honest.
There is disagreement afoot regarding the prevalence of web-assisted child molestation. The vast majority is still perpetrated by family members and close friends. Whether or not a child is setting him- or herself up for abuse by posting on MySpace.com is moot. The larger question is "Why?" Are children experimenting sexually at a younger age? Are they being targeted by advertising that shreds positive images and slaps sexuality onto every product's image? Are they faced with unreasonable expectations derived from the media? Is it the relative anonymity of the internet that encourages them to spread their fantasies out for the world to see?
All of the above. Solving the riddle, however, has to be secondary for the moment to protecting the children from themselves and each other. More than ever, parents need to be aware of their children's computer habits. It would not be out of the question for you to simply ask your child what he or she has been up to, but the answer will probably not be complete and may be intentionally misleading. That is to say, kids lie if they think they have to save face or escape punishment. A wise parent, then will:
1. Take a computer class that includes the internet, not just applications such as Microsoft Office.
2. Join with other parents to monitor each other's children when they are in each other's homes.
3. Make sure the child's computer is in a central location in the home, readily visible to the rest of the family, not locked away in the child's bedroom.
4. Buy monitoring software that will prevent children from accessing websites that are questionable (be aware that most kids can circumvent these, so don't rely too heavily on them).
5. Check the history file on the browser daily if you are suspicious.
6. Alert your child's school if you suspect that unacceptable access is happening there.
7. Talk with your children regularly and openly about their personal lives.
8. Disconnect the phone line from the computer and lock it away when you're not home. If need be, take the power cord or the monitor.
9. Monitor your child's cell phone use. Some phones can connect to the internet.
10. Do not give your child a hand-held deviceÑPDA, iPaq, Blackberry, etcÑunless you are certain you know enough about the equipment to be sure it is not Bluetooth-enabled for wireless internet connection.
There are more than enough worries attached to the parenting process. A stranger at your door or on your phone looking for your child should not be one of them. Nor should the possibility that your child is engaging in inappropriate sexual activity at too young an age. You can't be everywhere or see everything, but a little wariness and direct supervision will go a long way toward keeping your child on a clear and steady path toward success without too many detours into dangerous alleys.
Joanne M. Friedman received her undergraduate degree in psychology from Clark University and her MEd in special education from the University of Hartford. A past member of the Council for Exceptional Children, she has spent twenty-five years teaching special education at all levels, elementary through high school to learning disabled, emotionally disturbed, physically handicapped and developmentally disabled children and served on the Learning Disabilities Advisory Board at Sussex County College for six years. Joanne Friedman is a freelance writer living in Sussex County, New Jersey.
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