Christine Hohlbaum
Being more positive with kids begets a more positive response from them, in return. Affirmative parental messages let them know they are loved, safe, and wanted. But how do you strike a balance between saying "yes" and being a push-over? Here are a few ways to say yes while maintaining kids' boundaries:
1.) Give a timeframe. When your child says, "Can I watch a video?" say, "Yes, at 10 a.m.." Make a set rule as to when they may have TV privileges. To prevent their repeated request, set a timer for the appointed hour. Let them know they can watch TV when the alarm goes off.
2.) Ask them the consequence of your saying yes. Giving the child chocolate at 7 a.m., for instance, will ruin your child's appetite and make him feel sick. Ask him a question in return "How will you feel when your tummy eats chocolate first thing?" Everything can be a learning experience.
3.) Ask for their help. Say, "Can you help me get to 'yes?' That would require your cleaning up your room first."
4.) Your household will work when EVERYONE gets what they need. That includes the adults who sometimes need downtime. Institute quiet time every day. It prevents cranky behavior and teaches children the value of silence. They will learn to explore their inner world without constant external stimulation.
5.) Do the "yes, yes, yes, yes, yes" exercise. Gather your children into a circle, scoop up the Earth's positive energy and shower yourselves with it as you continuously say "yes!" The positive energy that is created is undeniable, and you may even end up laughing.
Saying "No! Because I said so!" is sometimes a necessity. Children don't need to know every single reason for your actions. That's an endless game which you, the parent, will lose. There need to be boundaries, even ones that are not explained.
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe (2005), has been published in hundreds of publications. When she isn't writing, leading intensive seminars or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children. Visit her Web site: http://www.DiaryofaMother.com.
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