Barbara Stanton, MD
Most parents know that attempting to constantly oversee their adolescents' activities can be a frustrating, and often impossible, undertaking. Yet, even if we cannot always be watching over them, staying involved in our kids' lives during the adolescent years is a crucial factor in decreasing their risk of becoming involved in unhealthy behaviors, such as drinking, skipping school, and violence. As children grow, they are increasingly testing their independence. Yet, regardless of what they might tell you, adolescents are not ready to be totally independent.
Unlike friendship groups, which are not stable over time, parents are more or less permanent in an adolescent's life. As a result, during the adolescent years, parents have the potential to maintain an influence in their children's lives that is equal to, or greater than, the influence exerted by peers.
In the past decade, several studies have shown that adolescents who are monitored by their parents, through communication and supervision, engage in fewer risk behaviors and engage in more healthy behaviors than do adolescents whose parents did not monitor them closely. What we did not know was whether parents could be taught to increase their monitoring efforts and whether increasing monitoring by parents would decrease adolescent involvement in risky behaviors.
Recently, we conducted a study in which all of the adolescents received a risk reduction intervention that we had previously tested and found to reduce risk behaviors. In addition, we gave a parental monitoring intervention to about two-thirds of the parents. The monitoring intervention included a 20-minute video discussing monitoring and communicating with adolescents and was followed by some practical tips and play acting. We found that the adolescent children of parents who were instructed as to how to monitor their children's activities were much less likely to engage in truant behaviors, drug use and sexual risk behaviors than were youth whose parents did not receive the monitoring intervention. Some of these positive changes lasted for at least two years after the training (maybe even longer but we stopped following the youth after two years)! This finding was very exciting because it showed that parents could be "taught" to monitor their youth and that this increase in monitoring really did help youth.
Now that we know that parents of adolescents can greatly reduce the chances of their children becoming involved in risk behaviors by monitoring them, what exactly are the tools that parents need to have? They basically fall into two categories: communication and supervision. While most parents will not have the opportunity to take part in an intervention or class about how to monitor their adolescents, they can self-teach by understanding the basics of communicating with and supervising their teenaged children.
Communication
Parents who are able to maintain open channels of communication with their adolescents are much more successful at influencing their children's behavior. Most adolescents will not be receptive to communication attempts by their parents that include threats or lectures. Parents who are able to communicate effectively with their adolescents not only speak, but also listen to and respect what their children have to say.
The following are some tips for how a parent can effectively communicate with his or her adolescent:
1. Choose a convenient time to talk in a private spot when you will not be interrupted, and you have time to finish the discussion.
2. Know what you are going to say ahead of time.
3. Listen to your child.
4. Your child (and you) may experience emotions such as embarrassment or anxiety. This is to be expected, and you can tell your child that it is difficult but important that you talk about this.
5. Show and tell your child that you are concerned.
Supervision
Parents of adolescents often struggle to find a good balance between respecting their children's privacy and maintaining a watchful eye over their teens' lives. As a parent it is not your role to police your adolescent's life, but monitoring your child's activities does not make you a nag. If you want to make sure that your child is making healthy decisions, it is important that you offer your child guidance and supervision throughout his or her teen years. Some tips for supervising your teen include:
1. Know your child's friends: invite your child to bring his/her friends home so that you can meet them.
2. When your child is not with you, ask what he/she is doing, with whom he/she is, and when he/she will be back home.
3. Communicate with other parents to ensure that, even if you aren't there, your child has adult supervision.
4. Know what goals your child has for the future.
5. Explain to your child why you are interested in - and why you have a right to know - what is going on in his/her life.
6. Set boundaries and rules for your child, and if he/she breaks them, carry through on threatened punishment.
The adolescent years are filled with many new experiences, temptations and opportunities and those teens that are monitored and supported by a caring parent will have much more success in safely navigating his or her changing world. While the dynamics of the relationship that you have with your adolescent have likely changed since he or she was a small child, your teenager continues to need your guidance now as much as ever.
Bonita Stanton, M.D., is Schotanus Professor and Chair of the Department of Pediatrics at Wayne State University/Children's Hospital of Michigan. Dr. Stanton graduated from Wellesley College and Yale University School of Medicine. She has consulted with numerous national and international groups on many health issues including adolescent risk and protective behaviors, and parenting. Rebecca Clemens graduated with a major in Psychology from Cornell University in New York. She is certified in Early Elementary Education. She is currently a Research Assistant at the Pediatric Prevention Center at Wayne State Univeristy for a parental monitoring research project being conducted in the Bahamas.
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