Cynthia MacGregor
"Go clean your room!" "Is your room clean yet?" "No TV till your room is clean." "Isn't your room clean yet?!" Does that sound like an echo from your home? There's hardly a parent alive who hasn't had to get on her child's case about room-cleaning, from the time the child is old enough to understand, "Put away your building blocks before you take your game out," till that same child, many years later, is standing in the doorway of his or her room, taking one last look back before departing for college.
More than loud music, choice of friends, choice of TV fare, and refusal to eat healthy foods, room-cleaning is arguably the single biggest source of hassles in the average American home.
But I have a novel suggestion for minimizing (I didn't say "ending," just "minimizing") the hassle: Don't tell your child to clean his room.
No, I'm not suggesting you let the detritus pile up knee-deep across his floor till you forget what color the carpet is, and you can't get in to retrieve his dirty laundry or dust the dresser or put fresh sheets on the bed.
I'm suggesting that, instead of detailing him to clean his room, you give him other instructions. I have two alternative procedures that should make room-cleaning a bit less of a challenge.
What's the Problem?
First let's look at why room-cleaning is such a hassle for most kids. Obviously, room-cleaning is no fun, and kids would rather have fun than do unpleasant tasks. That's a no-brainer, isn't it? But kids can be persuaded, or directed, to undertake other chores that are equally "un-fun," such as doing the dishes, sorting the laundry, cleaning out the cat-litter box, or raking the leaves. Why is room-cleaning such a particular source of dread?
Because it's overwhelming.
When your son or daughter was a toddler, he probably pulled his toys out indiscriminately from his toy chest or toy basket, now cuddling a stuffed zebra, then tossing it aside onto the floor and make rrrrrmmmm rrrrrrm rrrrmmm sounds as he rolled his dump truck across the floor, then leaving it there as he reached for a ball or a set of blocks... and ultimately leaving them in the growing sea of toys on the floor. At night, when you put him to bed, you wearily collected the mass of toys (yes, I said "mass," though "mess" would be applicable too!) and dumped them back in their appropriate container, wishing he were old enough to clean up after himself... or at least understand the "one at a time" rule.
When he got older, and could understand directions better, you probably tried to enforce the rule, "Put a toy away before you take out another one." And maybe, for just a little while, that worked. But it didn't last long. Soon his room was littered with toys, books, stuffed animals, crayons, glue bottles, and papers, not to mention clothing, shoes, and perhaps even plates and individual-sized juice containers, if you don't have a "no food in your room" rule. And, since you felt he was now old enough to clean up his own room, you tried to get him to do just that.
You're still trying. And it's a losing battle.
Why?
In part because he's buffaloed. Such an enormous task. Where to start?
Where to Start
That's exactly the problem: Where to start?
Start one day when the room is freshly cleaned. Start by going in there with him or her and organizing the room. Let your child have some say in this organization, though of course you're the one who ultimately will decide what's practicable and what's affordable. By her current age, whether that's four or 12, it's gotten to the point that one large basket, toy chest, or other container is no longer sufficient to simply hold all her toys. Not only does she have too many, not only are some of them boxed games or other toys that don't work as well in storage in a big basket or toy chest, but chances are that, in looking for a specific toy, she pulls out 10 or 20 other things from the basket to see if the one she's looking for is underneath... and then she leaves the mess on the floor after she's spotted her quarry.
A better plan of organization is called for - one that not only will enable her to find things more easily... without throwing 20 other things onto the floor in the process... but one that will enable her to put things away more organizedly too. Right now she may have trouble deciding or remembering what goes where. And so, you may decide to use:
• Plastic "milk crate"-style open boxes for dolls or trucks or blocks
• Shelves for books and music
• A shoe bag, in one of whose pockets you put marbles, in another of whose pockets you put jacks, in another of whose pockets you put playing cards, and so on
• Office-style "stack files," wire-coiled upright paper-holders, or other paper-managing systems from the office supply store
• Other types of containers or shelving for other needs. What you select will depend on what your child has, what your budget allows, and how creative you become.
So, before the next time your child's room becomes a mess, sit down in the room with her and discuss the means of organizing it better so that she can better keep it neat. "We could put up shelves and put all your stuffed animals on the shelves. Or we could put shelves up but use them for your boxed games, and put the animals in a large crate. Or we could keep the boxed games on the one closet shelf that you don't have clothes on, and use the shelf for your excess books that don't fit on the bookshelf. Or we could give away some books, use the shelf for your dolls, and use this office organizer from the office supply store for your construction paper and drawings." Go over each option one at a time, decide what will work for your child (and is within your budget), and then help her to organize her toys, games, books, music, and such when you've bought the appropriate containers.
Think outside the box - literally! - and, instead of confining all her possessions to boxes or baskets, use some of the items I've suggested for her stuff, or come up with other ingenious solutions of your own.
Rotation Time
One family I know, whose kids have too many toys (thanks to indulgent nanas, weak-willed parents, and generous friends of the family), rotates toys in and out of use. They cut down on the sheer quantity of clutter in their kids' rooms by not allowing active possession of all the toys at once. A mandated number of toys are rotated out of use at regular intervals, put into big black plastic bags, and relegated to the attic, to be rotated back into active use in the future... at a time when other toys will take their place in the attic.
In this way, there are fewer items to create a mess on the floor, fewer items to take up storage space on the shelves, in the drawers, and in the crates, and fewer items for the kids to have to deal with altogether. And, as a bonus, at each new rotation time, when the kids reclaim some "old friends" from the attic, it's almost like getting new toys to play with... as if an extra Christmas or birthday had been thrown into the schedule.
An Orderly Solution
But inevitably your child will have to clean her room and, despite your having rotated some toys and books and games out of use, despite your having given her a good organizational system, she is likely to still be overwhelmed by the sheer size of the task.
And she'll balk and refuse to clean her room... or just stall and put it off.
Not because she's stubborn or obstinate. Not because she's being lazy. Not even because she'd rather do something fun. Sure, she'd rather be playing or reading than cleaning her room, but that's not the whole answer.
As I said before, she's simply buffaloed.
And so, you'll make a list. Assuming she's old enough to read, you'll give her the list and tell her to follow it. Not every parent will have the same list to offer, depending on the way your child's room is organized, what she has in her room, what her organizational system is, and how old she is. But the point is, don't tell her, "Clean your room." Tell her, instead. to do everything on the list, in the order the list is in. (If she's too young to read the list, keep the list yourself, have her report back to you after completing every task, and then give her her next assignment.) Here's a sample list. Yours will undoubtedly be different:
1. Clean off the top of your dresser. Put away everything that doesn't belong on top of it.
2. Clean off the top of your night table. Put away everything that doesn't belong on top of it.
3. Clean off the top of your desk. Put away everything that doesn't belong on top of it.
4. Pick up anything that belongs in the kitchen (or in the kitchen garbage can) and bring it to the kitchen. Put dirty dishes in the sink and garbage in the garbage can and recyclables in the recycle bin.
5. Put away any clothes that are out. If they are dirty, put them in the laundry basket. Put your shoes away too.
6. Put all books and comic books in the bookcase and all CDs and tapes on the proper shelves.
7. Pick up all the pieces of paper that you haven't already put away. If they are homework, put them in the Homework file on your desk. If they are "just for fun" papers that you want to keep, put them in the grey plastic file bin. If they are trash, throw them out. If they are something you brought home from school that I was supposed to see, bring them to me.
8. Put away all your boxed games on the appropriate shelf.
9. Put away any other games, dolls, or other toys where they belong.
10. You're finished. Go have a snack or a glass of milk if you want.
The End... or Is It?
Will this solve all your room-cleaning hassles? Of course not. Just as you have to keep urging your child to do all his other chores, you'll still have to urge him to clean his room, too. And he's likely to still resist. But this system should cut down on his resistance and make the chore easier for him... and improve the results that you get. (Wouldn't it be nice to walk into his room after he's allegedly cleaned it, and not have to say, "Do you really call this a clean room?"?)
Your intermediate goal, after he's been successfully following your lists for a few months, is to get him to make his own list. Let him look over the room, make a list of his own, and follow it. Your eventual goal, of course, is to get him to be able to organize himself in cleaning the room without making a list at all, but that goal could be years away... and, in fact, is not even important. If he always has to rely on a list, that's really all right, as long as the room gets clean. And that's your ultimate goal: to get him to clean the room successfully and without putting up more than a token resistance.
Isn't that every parent's dream?
Author of over 50 published books (and still going strong), Cynthia MacGregor writes on many subjects, but the majority of her books are aimed either at parents or at kids. Some of her books tackle "difficult" topics, such as two books written for kids that explain divorce and one that deals with stepfamilies, one for little kids that explains death, and another for little kids that explain's Mom's new pregnancy. But she also writes on happier subjects, as in The "I Love You" Book, and with a sense of humor when it's called for, as in What Do You Know About Manners? A former New Yorker, Cynthia has lived in South Florida since 1984
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