Christine Louise Hohlbaum
We all want responsible, caring, healthy, happy children. Add any number of positive adjectives to the list, and we want it for our kids. The job of raising highly conscious children is not always an easy one. Here are some ways in which our family has made progress in the area of consciousness-raising.
Responsibility
It starts with the small things. Finding age-appropriate tasks your child can do will add to his sense of responsibility to pull his weight in the family unit. A two-year-old can generally put away his own plate once he has finished a meal. A one-year-old cannot.
When my daughter turned five, I told her it was time for her to take on some responsibility of her own. She agreed vacuuming her room once a week was a reasonable undertaking. She gladly took the task off my hands. I beamed as I watched her maneuver the vacuum cleaner around her room.
Compassion
You don't have to be Buddha to teach your child compassion. While your oldest child may not feel much compassion for his younger brother who breaks his block towers or favorite toys, you might want to start out with animals as an example.
Getting a household pet is one way to teach your child about responsibility and compassion. You might not be ready for that commitment, so here are some other ways to achieve the same thing.
If you see a ladybug, have your child hold it and talk about respect for all living things. Encourage your child to make a nest for the ladybug and to care for it. My children started a snail farm for a time. After they were finished with the activity, they carefully placed the snails back into the grass. Through this exercise, they learned snails live in a different environment than they do, but they could still "convene" with them for a short time.
Decision-Making
Put your children in situations where they can decide which way things will go. Giving two-year-olds choices, for instance, has several benefits. First, you are avoiding a tantrum by allowing them to decide between carrot sticks or an apple for their snack. Second, you are guiding them to make wise choices by offering them healthy alternatives.
Set Boundaries
Building a strong decision-maker does not mean being permissive. Allowing your six-year-old to eat chocolate every day for breakfast may not be the right choice. Setting boundaries and allowing them freedom within those boundaries will aide their self-esteem and sense of security. Children like to know what to expect. Boundaries are the guidelines by which they can live.
Ask Questions
Asking your child questions about the choices they make (and then listening to the answers) gets them to think critically about their own behavior. While their standard answer might be "I don't know," it will give them cause to assess what just happened. Trying to slice her younger brother with a pair of scissors may have been my daughter's impulsive reaction to her pesky three-year-old sibling. Asking her why she chose to do it allowed her to think about her actions, even after the fact.
Respect Differences
I live in a rural German town in which many parents tell their children what to do. The remarkable thing is those same children follow their parents command, because they have not learned differently. Issuing commands to your children will guarantee their conformity in society, but will it guarantee their success as trailblazers? Raising leaders versus followers is an individual choice. My husband and I have chosen to raise leaders whose strong decision-making skills will hopefully carry them through life with confidence and vision. It is what we all hope for our children's future.
Goal-Setting
Birthdays are great mile markers for your children to take on a bit more responsibility. Sit down with the birthday boy or girl and ask him or her questions about what they would like to do this year. Have your child write down some goals such as learning to swim, ride a bike, or to drive. Make a list of family goals you might share. Developing such skills early on will help your child gain the confidence he or she needs for the future. At the same time, you will gain the satisfaction that you have laid the essential groundwork for years to come.
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother (2003) and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe (2005), has been published in hundreds of publications and has appeared on numerous parenting radio shows. When she isn't writing, conducting seminars or PR consultations, she prefers to frolic in the Bavarian countryside near Munich where she lives with her husband and two children . Visit her Web site: http://www.DiaryofaMother.com.
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