Michael K. Meyerhoff, Ed.D.
There is a major trend in academic curricula starting at the preschool level. More and more we are seeing lesson plans designed to eliminate "gender bias" and encourage children to develop an "androgynous" gender identity. No longer will our little ones be given the impression that certain attitudes, behaviors, and activities are for boys and others for girls. From now on they will be inspired to become people who possess the best of both traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine characteristics and proclivities. They will be assertive but also sensitive, they will be compassionate but also courageous, etc.
However, as wonderful as this idea may sound, and as effective as the scholastic strategies may appear on paper, the effort probably is doomed to failure. While teachers may be striving mightily and tirelessly toward the stated goal, they are being defeated by a powerful combination of forces ‚ the messages conveyed by the larger society and the mindset of the children themselves.
Let's start with the larger society. Although they are not codified in written law, we have very strict rules about socializing boys and girls. Violation of these rules may not result in jail time, but it does result in more-than-casual condemnation by everyone from close family members to complete strangers.
If you doubt this, try a little experiment. Take a baby boy, dress him up in a pink outfit, and take him out for a stroll. Sooner or later, someone will pass by and say, "What a cute little girl. How old is she?" You respond, "He's a boy, six months." Then be prepared to get a look that could not express more vilification if you had informed the person that you just murdered your mother.
Over the course of the last two or three generations, our society has taken great strides toward gender equality. But after a great deal of progress in this direction, we seem to have stopped short. Interestingly, we have gone a long way toward permitting and even pushing females to do traditionally masculine things. On the other hand, we have not traveled very far in the other direction.
A little girl who likes to climb trees and throw rocks is referred to as a "tomboy." This is no longer a particularly pejorative term. In fact, parents will often state with great pride that "Our Janie is such a tomboy!" Meanwhile, a little boy who likes to dress up dolls in little outfits and hold imaginary tea parties for his stuffed animals is referred to as a "sissy." And this definitely still is not a laudatory term. You will never hear parents state with pride that "Our Johnnie is such a sissy!"
Furthermore, whenever there is something that might suggest some sort of similarity between boys and girls, we have a tendency to minimize it through euphemistic language. Any preschool teacher will tell you that little boys like to play with dolls just as much as little girls. But virtually any mother and father will tell you that their little boy never plays with dolls. He plays with "action figures."
And we don't let up much as children grow into adults. Imagine that you go to the clinic for your annual medical check-up. The receptionist guides you into an examination room and says, "A doctor will be with you shortly." A couple of minutes later, a woman walks into the room. Are you surprised? Probably not. But suppose the receptionist says, "A nurse will be with you shortly," and a couple of minutes later, a man walks into the room. Don't tell me you wouldn't be taken aback a bit.
So despite the lessons little kids receive claiming everything is the same for both sexes, the messages they get from their families, neighbors, and the mass media clearly contradict that claim. And that opens the door for the second powerful force, something expressed by what is referred to as "gender schema theory."
Up until about three years of age, children have a rather limited understanding of gender. They believe that it is based on superficial things such as clothing and hairstyle. For example, while watching a parade featuring a contingent of Scottish bagpipers, a toddler may ask, "What's that funny instrument those ladies are playing?" Kilts are skirts, and girls wear skirts. Those bagpipers, even though they are sporting full beards, must be girls. Similarly, someone with long hair is a girl, but if that person gets a short haircut, that person instantly becomes a boy.
Sometime between three and four years of age, children develop what is called "gender constancy." They realize that one is either a boy or a girl, and that is not going to change even if superficial appearances change. And it is then that the "gender schema" kicks in. They start to interpret the world in a way that favors their particular side of the alleged equation. Once a little boy understands that he is a boy and will always be a boy, he starts viewing boy stuff as cool and girl stuff as stupid. Once a little girl understands that she is a girl and will always be a girl, she starts viewing girl stuff as cool and boy stuff as stupid.
Consequently, even if their teachers, with or without the support of their parents, persistently insist on promoting androgyny, the kids themselves refuse to have any part in it and instead take on the job of enforcing society's standards. They fiercely and steadfastly let each other know precisely what kinds of attitudes, behaviors, and activities are acceptable and what kinds will subject one to physical abuse, personal humiliation, and social rejection from one's peers.
Again, little boys are likely to suffer more than little girls. Right from the start, a male preschooler will be informed in no uncertain terms that "sissy" tendencies will not be tolerated by his classmates. Meanwhile, a girl may get away with being a total "tomboy" all the way through the elementary school years. But once everyone passes through puberty in junior high or high school, she too will be the target of scorn if she does not start adopting more feminine ways.
I know that personally, I would love to see a world where one's gender did not preclude anyone from doing anything, and where everyone could be cherished and praised for any worthwhile activity regardless of their gender. But I also know that I continue to contribute to the problem. Although I can plead that it usually is not done consciously, I routinely catch myself complimenting my grandsons for being "strong" and my granddaughters for being "pretty."
Perhaps the plan to produce an androgynous generation is fundamentally flawed. Maybe we have to find a way to prevent discrimination while continuing to proclaim "viva la difference." Perhaps we have to accept delayed gratification. Maybe success will be achieved in the distant future if every family continues to chip away at the problem consistently over the course of several generations. But in any event, it is imperative for preschool teachers and the parents who support them to recognize that promoting androgyny is an uphill battle. Simple platitudes won't get the job done, and the necessary transformations in our personal practices and societal standards certainly won't come easily.
Michael K. Meyerhoff, Ed.D., is executive director of The Epicenter Inc., "The Education for Parenthood Information Center," a family advisory and advocacy agency located in Lindenhurst, Illinois. He may be contacted via e-mail at epicntrinc@aol.com.
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