Michael K. Meyerhoff, Ed.D.
lacing their young children in child care centers, people have debated whether these group situations supply the children with special benefits or if they would be better off being raised at home. Since there are infinite varieties of centers, homes, and family situations, this debate has always been somewhat silly. Nevertheless, there is one indisputable fact upon which everyone agrees. Children who spend a lot of time in child care centers during the early years of life develop better social skills than children who are raised primarily at home. Right?
Wrong. This indisputable fact is false. Moreover, to the surprise of everyone reading this I'm sure, the exact opposite is true. The evidence is clear that children raised primarily at home develop much better social skills than children who spend a lot of time in group care.
So where did this "fact" come from? To answer that, you have to go back to the beginning. Keep in mind that the entire field of early childhood education was created not to meet the needs of children, but rather to meet the needs of adults. It's not like a bunch of child development specialists were sitting around a table one day and someone said, "Hey, you know what? Instead of having these little kids being raised by their own families in their own homes and neighborhoods with lots of one-on-one attention, let's put them together in large groups. We'll have one person watch over them all day. We'll pay that person minimum wage. It will be wonderful!"
No. About 50 years ago, we had an economic, cultural, social revolution in this country. Young women started going into the workforce, and they stayed in the workforce even after they had children. Since men weren't going to leave the workforce and fill the void, we needed someplace to put the kids while their parents were both working. So people started setting up child care centers.
Unfortunately, whether they truly had to work or simply wanted to work, a lot of parents started to feel guilty. They didn't want to think they were "warehousing" their children all day. They would feel much better if the situation were somehow beneficial for the children.
How would the situation be beneficial for the children? I don't know. Well, they'll be with a lot of other children. Yeah! They'll be with other children! Socialization! They'll develop fantastic social skills! This idea gets picked up and passed around, and the next thing you know, it is an indisputable "fact" that "everyone knows."
But anyone who studies human development and understands how young children really learn can readily see why the opposite is true. How do young children learn social skills? Well, there are two basic methods. First there is imitation. The kids watch what other people do and mimic. Then there is operant conditioning ‚ reward and punishment. A child tries a certain strategy. If it gets him what he wants, he continues doing it. If it doesn't get him what he wants, he abandons it and tries something else.
Now think about. Again, there are infinite varieties of homes, centers, and family situations. But in general, consider a three-year-old child being raised primarily at home. Who are his models of social behavior? That's right. His parents. Who, for the most part, behave like polite, civilized adults.
Meanwhile, consider the three-year-old at the child care center. He may have a couple of polite, civilized adults to imitate. But who else is available as models? That's right. Other three-year-olds. And do three-year-olds share, cooperate, and get along? No! They bite, pinch, push, hit, and do all sorts of other nasty stuff. So the kid at the child care center is being exposed to far more unpleasant and inappropriate social behavior than the child at home.
And what about operant conditioning? The three-year-old at home wants something one of his parents is holding. So he grabs it away and pushes the parent. Is he going to be rewarded by getting what he wants? No. He probably is going to end up with something he definitely doesn't want. Meanwhile, which three-year-old ends up with the toy at the child care center? That's right. The biggest bully in the bunch.
The bottom line is that child care centers are breeding grounds for horrendous social skill development. Back in the old days, it's not like little kids never interacted with each other. But when they did get together in backyards, parks, and playgrounds, the groups were usually smaller and each kid was closely supervised by at least one adult. This obviously was a lot more conducive to producing the kind of results everyone would like to see.
Now, having said all this, I should point out that my wife was the owner and director of the largest child care center in the state for over 20 years. Like a lot of other such facilities, it was a wonderful place, and the children in her charge did, indeed, develop good social skills. But it was hard work. It took skilled and conscientious teachers struggling mightily on a daily basis to ensure that the kids managed to turn out okay under these extremely difficult circumstances.
Consequently, I'm not saying parents should never place their young children in a child care center. But it is ridiculous to assume it is necessary for proper socialization, and it is dangerous to assume good things will happen magically when little kids are put together in a group. Mothers and fathers must ensure the teachers are extraordinarily competent and highly experienced, they must strive to keep their children's time in large groups to a minimum, and they must be prepared to cooperate fully with the attempts of the teachers to create desirable outcomes.
If you are feeling blown away by this, don't blame yourself. As these group situations have become an integral part of our economy, culture, and society, we seem to have forgotten about certain things and started taking other things for granted. No one is thinking much about the nature and needs of young children any more.
For instance, think about the state mandated ratios for infants in child care centers. Most states prohibit more than four infants per staff person. Quite often, when I am speaking to early childhood education professionals, I point this out and then note that in a couple of jurisdictions, the ratio regulation is three to one. The response is always the same. "Three to one? That's great! I wish we had three to one here. Three to one would be ideal."
Later, as we are chatting during a coffee break, I casually mention that our daughter-in-law recently gave birth to triplets. The response is always the same. "Triplets! Oh, my! How is she going to manage? She's going to have help, isn't she?" We forget that these ratios are based largely on financial considerations. Low ratios prevent child care from being a cost-effective option. So in this world, one person caring for three babies is "ideal," whereas in the real world it is unimaginable.
And what about the kids themselves? We must realize that kids are not really capable of being genuinely "sociable" until they get to be about five or six years old. This is because the very young mind is structurally egocentric. It can only view situations from its own perspective and can only interpret things in terms of its own wants and needs.
Did you ever play hide-and-seek with a three-year-old? He can't find a good hiding place and gets caught out in the open. What does he do? That's right, he covers his eyes. It's not that he's a moron. It is merely that his mind leads him to conclude that if he can't see you, you can't see him. And what about a four-year-old talking on the phone with Grandma. She asks if he had fun at the party, and what does he do? He nods his head. Again, he's not an imbecile. His mind just won't allow him to place himself in Grandma's position and look at the situation from her point of view. Even at age five there are vestiges of this egocentrism. Ask a five-year-old why it gets dark at night. He'll probably look at you like it's a stupid question and respond, "Because I have to go to sleep!" The sun, moon, and stars were designed to suit his schedule.
And these are the creatures who will automatically share, cooperate, and get along just fine if we throw them together in a big group? That is unrealistic and unfair. So make whatever arrangements you need or want to make for your young children. But don't allow modern conveniences to obscure fundamental principles of human development. And if things aren't working out, be ready to consider that the problem may not be the behavior of the kids, but rather the expectations we have been placed on their behavior.
Michael K. Meyerhoff, Ed.D., is executive director of The Epicenter Inc., "The Education for Parenthood Information Center," a family advisory and advocacy agency located in Lindenhurst, Illinois. He may be contacted via e-mail at epicntrinc@aol.com.
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